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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in troll_speak's LiveJournal:

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Monday, November 14th, 2022
11:58 am
title or description

Abandon Hope all Ye Who May Enter Here!!

(and welcome to the show)

and my Deviant art gallery
Thursday, September 29th, 2022
10:21 am
Monday, June 20th, 2016
11:50 am
Still here.
I have been more quiet on here than I meant to be. There is so much I want to post, just to get things down but most of them would come across as bleak so I have just been keeping things to myself.

I will try and put something here at least a week even if it is just along the lines of 'Yup, still alive.'

Sunday, May 8th, 2016
3:35 pm
Some days it hurts not to be included in things and then some days you are glad you were not invited.

But then most days you are not even included in most peoples'thought processes at all.

It is amazing what you can get used to.

Wednesday, April 6th, 2016
2:16 am
Saturday, February 13th, 2016
1:09 am
So glad I am paranoid and had not fully unpacked or thrown away the moving boxes.
There are supposed to be certain people you should be able to to trust but instead they constantly screw you over and throw your life into chaos again and again.
I still have not recovered from moving last time.

Sunday, January 31st, 2016
6:53 pm
New tale.
I live in a small country town in Australia and last week I was driving with my wife and I saw the huge walls in paddocks we passed made from hay bales drying in the Summer sun. Looking at them I could picture them as a fort or some great castle manned by children playing at being Kings and Queens and Knights and Ladies.
I jotted down a quick idea as we drove and it became this in the early morn of today.

Summer's Castle.

The Summer's Castle had it's origin in Winter, with seeds being planted while Mother Nature slept just before the fingers of frost chilled the soil. The seeds slumbered in the cold earth, awaiting the Sun of Spring and it's warmth and the gentle rains. The earth was full of nutrients for those slumbering seeds, having been prepared at the end of the last harvest.
And like those seeds, the children, the Court of Summer's Castle, it's Kings and it's Queens, it's Knights and it's Ladies spent most of Winter dreaming of Spring and it’s gentle warmth and sweet rain. They dreamt the nights away and day dreamed of Summer and the fun it would bring. They dreamed and longed for Summer and the Castle they would rule. The elder children knew this would be their last time ruling in Summer's Castle. It would be their last year being Kings and Queens. Chores would take up most of the next year’s Summer and there were those who would leave the farms to seek knowledge, studying in the cities that had more to offer them. Some would return, but Summer would not hold the same splendour, and though they may gaze wistfully at the Castle their younger siblings would then rule, they knew that they would not wander it's grass floored halls again.
The elder children would show those younger brothers and sisters how to shape the Castle. They would make sure to teach them as they had been taught by their Fathers and Mothers and those Aunts and Uncles who in their childhood had ruled or served in Summer's Castle.

All watched and waited through Spring. One eye on their chores and one eye fixed on the fields of grass and together, all prayed that the combination of Spring sunshine and rain would be just right so the grass would grow fast and the grass would grow tall.
It was this grass that would grow to become what would be used to form Summer's Castle. The grass would grow, the grass would be cut and then the grass would be baled and would become hay. The hay would be fodder for the animals of the farms when Winter's frost would cause nothing fresh to sprout.
But until that time, and before the bales went into storage, they would sit under the Sun of Summer and would become, as they had for many years past, the walls of Summer's Castle.

Summer's Castle had first come to be built many generations past. Someone had eyed the great walls of hay, drying under the Summer sun and through imaginations eye, they became more than future fodder.

With each passing generation, the tradition of Summer's Castle had grown. Each generation attempted to make each Castle grander than the last. As well as the great blocks that were the hay bales, many bits and pieces were scrounged from surrounding farms and these were included in the construction of each and every Summer's Castle. Old doors became grand tables. Battered chairs were liberated from dusty tombs of barn storage. Old boards became flooring for second, third and even fourth stories as the Castle's design became grander with each passing generation. Old wedding dresses became the gowns for Castle Queens. Old sheets became cloaks for Kings and Knights alike. Moth eaten blankets became canopies to block out the Summer sun. Armour and weaponry were fashioned from whatever could be scrounged.

And all Summer, sieges were defended against, great Dragons were sent yelping off into the sunset and when night fell, great banquets were held and epic tales were told by torchlight.
Many sleepovers were held during those warm Summer nights and the stout hay bale walls kept any of the dark of night’s monsters at bay. All who stayed and slept within Summer's Castle took strength from that great monument to imagination.
A parent's harsh words, the loss of a treasured pet, a death in the family, all these trials and tribulations all seemed easier to bear with the sanctuary of Summer's Castle close at hand.
The Order of Summer's Castle, when they grew too old to ignore the duties of adulthood, all looked fondly back at their time spent there. All held in their heart a secret longing for those long hot days in Summer's Castle.
And all kept a promise that when they too had children, they would show them how to build that great Keep and would ensure the Order of Summer's Castle would live on again for another year.

Lawrence Cottam 2016
Saturday, January 30th, 2016
10:11 pm
Not sure if anyone reads this still, but thanks to my amazing wife a collection of my four lined poems has been published.
For those interested it can be found here:

Tuesday, January 19th, 2016
2:41 pm
Written the day the world heard Mr Bowie had died;

The day the Starman rose,
The day the Goblin King died,
The day my heart knew sorrow,
The Day this Troll has cried.
Tuesday, January 5th, 2016
10:28 pm
New writing
Romeo Vanishes.

What would Romeo do,
If he walked the world today,
How would he show his love,
In a spectacular way?

What would Romeo think,
Would he cry Yay or Nay,
When he saw what romance had become,
And how it has almost faded away?

What would Romeo cry,
When he saw how lovers now play,
Would he gnash his teeth,
When he saw the cost lovers now pay?

How far would Romeo run,
If he was alive today,
Would he flee with his Juliet,
And what would the tabloids say?

Lawrence Cottam 2016
Tuesday, December 22nd, 2015
10:39 pm
So it was my 40th b'day this week. And besides what I bought myself I did not get anything for it. Spent it by myself. Was hoping someone would suggest something to do but nope.

Going to keep trying to post more here and hopefully not all bummed posts.
But on a bummed note, my short term memory seems to be getting more and more frazzled. Hoping it is just combination of being always over tired due to the whole chronic fatigue and three decades of chronic insomnia and not the whole 'degeneration of cognitive faculties' thing I live in dread of.

For those that celebrate it I hope you have a good Yuel with those you love. For those that don't celebrate, I hope you get to spend time with those you love.

Saturday, December 12th, 2015
11:19 pm
Annual depression
It has come to the time of the year where the PTSD that was caused by different events at this time of the year has kicked in with a vengeance.
The fact I now spend 98% of my time alone now means it hits that much harder.
Trying to stay away from the 'net as much as possible so I don't bum too many people out. So much so I am even leaving my mobile in the office when I go stretch out.

Thursday, December 10th, 2015
2:55 am
A new four line poem.

Moon Walk.

I love to walk on the Moon,
To walk it's plains and ranges,
To lose myself on it's quiet seas,
And wile away the passing ages.

Lawrence Cottam 2015
Tuesday, December 8th, 2015
9:21 pm
How is taking somebody to a cafe you own for lunch a birthday present? Especially when the person you are taking there is uncomfortable eating there?

I am so ticked off with certain people. It's Deb's birthday tomorrow and instead of actually taking her somewhere she wants to go and actually spending money on her, her daughter is taking her to the cafe she owns.

This is another example of the very infuriating things that side of the family is doing.

Monday, December 7th, 2015
12:33 am
Once again reminded I am not classed as a member of the family though I have been part of the family for over a decade.
Saturday, November 28th, 2015
3:50 pm
So tonight I am missing out on going to another even with Deb.
There's a Xmas party for those that contribute to the little local newsletter. The invite ended up in my spam mail and no one let moi know it had even been sent until after it was too late to RSVP.
So once again I will be alone while Deb goes out.
Spending 98% of my time alone is taking it's toll.

7:40 am
Sending from my phone.
Thought I'd put LJ on my phone :)

Thursday, November 26th, 2015
5:53 pm
Greetings and salutations.
I am posting on here as there is just something about facebook that does not feel it is worth more than random thoughts.
The usual mix of health probs and PTSD with it's anxiety, depression and flashbacks and memory dreams seems to have gotten worse this year.
Been hit with rapid weight loss which I know the losing weight part is good, the speed of it is a little alarming. Been also dealing with swelling around my tailbone and in the glouts as well. Also swellings a little higher up. These new ones combined with the long term neck trouble means pain levels are so much higher. Something also is causing my body temp to skyrocket and as we are in the warmer months of the year it is not welcomed.

During all this I am seeing less of Deb and even much less of the boys.
Whenever there is a 'family event' I am just not being invited. Am becoming less than a second thought.

But at least, for what it is worth, I am still drawing and writing. Much more of both being done but it feels like, most days, nothing will come of either.

Okies, as a new post in such a long time I know this one is a bummer.
Basically this is just so I can get these thoughts out so I have a record of them.

Sunday, November 15th, 2015
1:31 am
Long time no post.
Decided to breathe some life into this once more.

the troll

Friday, May 30th, 2014
2:29 am
Work Work...
For those not on FaceBook, I actually updated my online shop with new designs.
There will be a lot more coming.

It needs a bit of work, but:


the troll

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